Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
