I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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