who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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