4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
