ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
