just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
