I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
