party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
