making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Randomize
