i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
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