do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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