If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
