oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
