I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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