i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
