stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
