At least make sure they are 18
Why
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
