We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize