woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
