you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
