Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
