I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
