lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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