Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
