Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Say something about gay babies.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize