im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
