he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
