So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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