no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
