does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I deserve to be covered in dicks
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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