i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize