I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
