If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
