I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
