Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
