I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize