I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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