Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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