that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
