the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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