I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize