i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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