New invention idea: vibrating tampons
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
