Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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