I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
