I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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