I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
