At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
