Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
