We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
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