We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
