we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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