I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
