apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Im just a social blackout drinker.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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