At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
