Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
