Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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