There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
