If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Randomize
