my sisters under your porch take her home
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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