yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
