So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
