I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
