addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
love makes seman taste better
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
