Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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