after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
