i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
